


Ashamed

by SammysGirl666



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean is not., Drabble, M/M, Sam Just Thinks He Knows Everything, Unrequited Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, and he does, and he is damn proud, but not sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 20:28:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammysGirl666/pseuds/SammysGirl666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The way I figure it, we're all allowed one secret. One secret that we can keep, take with us to the grave, keep through the beauty of heaven and the flames of hell. This secret is our biggest shame, the thought in our head that would make other people cringe and turn away. Because shame isn't something you have to feel, it's part of the human condition. Shame keeps us humble.</p>
<p>So here's my secret:</p>
<p>I am not ashamed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ashamed

**Author's Note:**

> Random drabble, guys.

I am not shameless. I have felt shame, the burgeoning sickness in my gut that spreads outwards like a fire. I know what it feels like. But for this, I feel no shame. I should; this should be my Hail Mary, my last confession, my Mea Maxima Culpa.

But it's not.

Maybe it is because I have experienced so little joy in my life that I can't be bothered to feel guilty for taking pleasure wherever I can find it. Or maybe it is because of my unhealthy codependency. Whatever it is, it is hard to feel bad over it.

I suppose it has been a part of me for such a long time that I don't know  _how_  to feel guilty about it. It would be like waking up one day and being told you should feel guilty because your hair is a red or because you have freckles. These are things you cannot change, cannot fight.

So too, is this.

He doesn't know. Not because I am ashamed, but because he is. I don't blame him. I do not resent him. I just know that he feels it too. I figure that he'll get with the program, eventually. I will not push because I'm not like that.

I will certainly never ask because he would just to please me and I can't do that to him. There are some lines I will not ask him to cross. If he decides to want this, I want him to want it on his own.

I don't mind that he sleeps with other people. He's thinking of me. I cannot ask him to stop, I cannot force him to comply so I will let him wear himself out. He will come around eventually.

At least, I hope he will.

I will remain unashamed, proudly in love with the one person I should not be.

One day, I will tell him and one day, he will be ready to hear it.

Until then, I will love him from afar.

And be unashamed.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh and betas, anyone? I am in need.


End file.
